Thursday's Thread

Hey you- you got a minute?I need you to take a moment and stop what you're doing.I need you to hear this because this is life....it's your life.Sure our lives may not be at all the same.Perhaps yours isn't going the way you expected, in fact maybe it's a little rough or it could be that you're living the best life you've ever dreamed of living.And if so, although that may be true and real for you right now-It's in moments like these that anything can change and it'll still be the one life you've got left to live. -----It was about three years ago, that a fierce north wind blew into mine and it nearly took my breath away. I was sitting in a quaint coffee shop designing my first blog with a friend when I got a call that changed the trajectory of my family. We've always been a family of twelve, but one was fighting for their life. My Mom was in surgery because her aorta was bleeding out and it didn't look good. You see change has a way of blowing into our lives and it's here we make the decision how it'll affect us. -----Well, now....I have something that's been circling back around and its something I think you'll want to know.There's days, I wish someone had been there to tell me the changes we'd walk through.I've been told I offer too much and not enough at times...so here's one I'm going to bravely step out in and hand you in hopes you're a little like me, just waiting for it to be said.About five years ago when my life was in a rough spot. When it felt full and overwhelming-I realized in these moments, I was doing so much of it wrong...when disappointing others and insecurities were ruling my life;I cared more about what others thought than even my own interests and desires.That's when I knew something needed to change... So, I took a deep look within and started speaking out fear...reaching for others rather than shutting them down and chasing feelings that ruled my life. I began finding who I was and not who others wanted me to be and what I noticed was, I began to heal and change.The strange thing about change though, is when we draw a line in the sand others sometimes want to come and wipe it away...Because we're not the only thing shifting-change has a vicious way of rippling out and affecting all sorts of layers...and as we begin to grow and change our relationships and how we do life changes too.It's funny how something that feels so good for us on the inside can wreak havoc on our outer world, but it does. We often do our lives as if change is written by us.As if, we get to choose when someone dies or walks out on us.But truth is-the only thing we get to change...is ourselves.How we respond through change....Like when we'll get up and walk again or take that deep breath that keeps us from passing out, when we'll find healing for our shattered heart and whether we'll choose forgiveness over a heart that rots us out.You see, I'm going to fail people and let them down.Because being the best doesn't always happen and very rarely shows up in my life. I'm not always the best of friends...I'm not very easy to figure out or easy to love...I often go to the wrong things and people to fill the deep well that burrows within...I fear failure so many times I won't even try...I'm the first to leave a hard situation and disappoint the ones I love...I struggle through grief wrestling between loving deeply and grieving even deeper.But what I've found on the other side is we don't really like change and sometimes we even resist it...but here's what I want you to know it might be hard to change-but you should do it anyway... set your fear aside.Sure sometimes your heart will ache and keep you awake in the dark but whether you see it or not growth is happening. And as it does...you'll heal, you'll grow and you'll find the strength to do that thing you've been so afraid to step into. You'll discover it's okay to be you and even better-you'll learn you like the you that you're becoming. Because although there will always be space for growth within us, if we choose to walk in the continuous rhythm of being changed by God we'll find we won't be changing who we were meant to be, but becoming who He intended for us to be all along...and in the end that's how life is meant to be lived.Because friends, I've found there's nothing greater in life than one human being sacrificing their pain and discomfort for their love of many...